Where I Am

There are very few nights where I fail to put myself to sleep. But last night was one of those nights. I probably shouldn't have had Earl Grey an hour before bedtime.

Dreadful!

I was left alone, awake to think about whatever came.

I used to be so good about keeping certain things out of my mind. I suppose lately in my life I have been made weaker by this new season.

The season where everything is getting cut off so that there can be growth.

It has been tough! You know?

I guess I forgot how painful these seasons can be.

But last night, in an attempt to put myself to sleep, I started to pray.

Because honestly, most nights I fall asleep talking to God and it's lovely.

He reminded me of something though, something that used to be easier to remember.

And it is that there is so much to look forward to! That things will never always be like this.

God's will, which I am desperately trying to live out, is real.

He sees the woman He is creating, He sees the final product, and He is pleased!

Praise God that He is transforming me!
It makes me excited and ready to move forward in this suffering.

"If the leaves had not been let go to fall and wither,

if the tree had not consented to be a skeleton for many months,

there would be no new life rising, no bud, no flower, no fruit, no seed, no new generation."

-Lilias Trotter in Parables of The Cross